I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
