well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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