Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
