im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Randomize
