Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I think I died a long time ago.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
