All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Randomize
