I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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