think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
