I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
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