I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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