can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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