Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Randomize
