so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
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