we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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