Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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