Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Randomize
