she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
