i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
My vagina is very pro this idea
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