After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Randomize
