He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
