the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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