Can i not drive my cunt home
508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Found the puke drawer
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
