no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
