and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
