the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Randomize
