I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
