Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
