Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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