When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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