I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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