It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
