Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Randomize
