Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
