Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
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