Me too!
Too much gin, very little bucket
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
worst night to have a conscience
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Randomize
