she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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