The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
we're chasing vodka with high fives
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
