so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
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