Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
