she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
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