I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
