sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
