literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
