I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
