Heybabeimwearingurpanties
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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