I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
