My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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