i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
