Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Randomize
