Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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