watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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