i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
