i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
what day is it and did you see me today?
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
