just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
